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AI genius creates world’s first patch of self-cutting grass to avoid Sunday chores

We sat down for an interview with Alburn Woods, CEO of Graiss Inc., to discuss the meteoric rise of his new venture.
by on 7th May 2018 | Leave a comment

Everything in the post below is satire. In other words, it's not real.

AI grass

A self-taught AI guru, Alburn Woods, CEO of Graiss Inc., has created the world’s first patch of self-cutting grass, and he did it all with artificial intelligence.

We sat down with Woods and asked him how he came up with the idea and what challenges he faced bringing the new product to market.

“Cutting grass sucks,” said Woods. “I would cut it on Sunday and then it would grow back by next Sunday. Who has time for that these days?”

“There had to be a better way so I asked myself: what would Elon Musk do? And that’s how I came up with my initial idea,” he said.

On whether he’s concerned about the potential ethical ramifications of his products: “I wasn’t bothered initially, however our marketing department told me to be afraid, so I am,” he said.

“As grass becomes more intelligent I think the government should consider legislating in this area, there’s no predicting what bad actors could do to the nation’s grass”.

Despite his newfound stardom among the tech elite, Woods faced his fair share of challenges bringing the new product to market.

“I initially created a self-driving lawnmower, however it took out a couple of Mrs Jones’s hedges and scared the hell out of some local kids who mistook it for the Incredible Hulk. It was a difficult time,” he said.

Challenges aside, he seems to have taken success in his stride. Not only are sales piling in, he even has more time to spend with his family on Sundays.

“Yeah, that’s definitely a downside. I thought being an AI genius would give me more free time to play Far Cry but apparently I have to spend it with the kids,” he said.

Despite this, Woods is hopeful for the future. On the next steps for his fledgling startup, he said, “I’ve often wondered why trees aren’t more intelligent. They’re everywhere but what would be really cool is if you could, you know, engage with them”.

“Millennials want interactive experiences with their gardens and environments. The artificial tree sector is set for explosive growth and we’re best placed of any organization to tap into that. We want to make trees cool again,” he said.

Whatever the future holds for Graiss Inc., its success to date can’t be denied. Graiss Inc. posted Q1 revenue of $460 million and is on track to increase sales by 24 percent year-on-year.

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