Federal Government to begin preliminary talks with Facebook over ownership of humanity
After endless discussions over peripheral issues like privacy, propaganda and hate speech, Facebook and the Federal Government have finally agreed to sit down and hold a preliminary meeting over which institution has the better claim to ownership of all humanity.
“All of the talk we’ve endured over the last few months has all been leading to this,” said an official Facebook spokesperson.
“We have it on good authority the Federal Government is officially sick of its people, so it may finally be at a stage where it’s willing to make essential concessions on ownership”.
The transfer of power has been in the pipeline for decades. Facebook, which now has a GDP of $800 billion, has recently outlined plans to establish its own police force. Meanwhile, the Government is seemingly embracing the transfer of some of its sovereignty with open arms.
“There are just so many idiots out there these days,” said a representative of the Government.
“We’re eager to engage in exploratory talks with Facebook about them taking some of the responsibility. It knows everything anyway, so it’s a natural candidate to takeover at such short notice”.
We asked whether anything had been finalised to date, however the representative told us, “We sent Mark an email yesterday but he’s got his OOO on. I doubt we’ll know anything more until we all sit down and talk about what to do with them [the people]”.
The people have been defying their governments for years now. Not only do they continue to challenge it publicly, spread malicious information about it and generally behave like ungrateful minions, they have taken to not trusting what it tells them.
“I think there’s widespread discontent. We’ve been in talks with other national governments about our plans and, ignoring the notable exceptions of the Russian and North Korean Governments, they all seem to be broadly in favor of transferring power,” said an official from the committee tasked with overseeing the discussions.
“We’ve already tasked Facebook with opening diplomatic channels with the Russians, and by all accounts it seems to have gone well – they know more about them than we do anyway”.