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New screaming app fails to appeal to a majority that spend all their time online screaming at people

The app allows users to append pre-recorded voice quotes like 'go educate yourself,' 'that's fake news' and 'the Russians did it' to the end of their messages.
by on 9th May 2018 | Leave a comment

Everything in the post below is satire. In other words, it's not real.


A new screaming app that allows users to bypass the outdated art of conversation in favor of screaming at people who hold opposing views has failed to capture the imagination of users.

The app allows users to amplify their voice messages and append frequently used or popular “voice quotes” like “go educate yourself,” “fake news,” and the “the Russians did it” to the end of their messages.

Despite the wide range of features, users seemed less than impressed.

One user stated, “I do that already, why do I need an app for it? THERE’S AN APP FOR EVERYTHING THESE DAYS…PEOPLE ARE RIDICULOUS!!!”

The app’s developer, Jessica Garcia, is surprised at the lack of uptake but confident in the features it provides.

“I developed the app after extensive analysis of how people communicate in the 21st century,” she said.

“People don’t have time to listen any more, they already know they’re right and simply want to communicate that fact. Screaming is the best way to cut through the noise and make their superiority known”.

Despite the lack of mainstream appeal among professional screamers, the app has found an audience among what Garcia terms “part-time screamers”.

“Part-time screamers are people so sick of society they feel the need to scream. They can be anyone from financial analysts and parents to dog walkers and psychologists,” she said.

“They traditionally spent a lot of their screaming time behind a pillow, however my app has become their digital refuge”.

On what she plans to do next, Garcia stated, “screaming is a popular past-time for a lot of people, however one thing users have noted is they want more automation. We’re working to build that feature into the app now”.

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